"all I said to you all I did for you seems so silly to me now"

Unemployment Day 13

I called Adam and asked him if he could come over and unstick my stuck window. He said he would be over in 30 minutes. Like a big ass baby, I broke down after he came over and we talked for a little while. It's not like I invited him over so I could cry. It just happened. I felt really bad for him. Awkward! He just hugged me and maybe that's all I needed? A hug.

It's been a kind of rough year: moved here without a job, finally found a job and it pretty much sucked, got a boyfriend, lost Ida and blew out a tire on the way to put her down, boyfriend dumped me after I fell madly in love with him and finally lost my crappy job. You would think I would feel more relieved to have less stress working there. I do. But it also means I have more time to sit and feel sorry for myself. Which is totally ridiculous. I mean, although I am unemployed, I have a considerable income coming in (Thank you NJ) and don't have to feel like I need to rush to get another crappy job. But that's it. I have so much time to myself.

I like doing things. Keeping busy. It's hard to keep busy when there is only so much you have to accomplish in a day.

I need to start making those darn totes. That will take more time off my hands. Of course, that means I have to actually take a step FORWARD and DO something worthwhile. Besides slowly clean the house and make snickerdoodles (which turned out GREAT - I gave the leftovers to Adam when he left). Darn Martha and her stupid great cookie cookbook. She's one of those women I love to hate but can't seem to justify hating because her ideas are so dead on awesome.

Anyway, I have sad, crying eyes. I hate that feeling. Go away tears. I'm tired of crying. Over a boy. So stupid. I'm stronger than this...

The good news is that the new Tegan and Sara cd comes out in two days! So exciting! Not that I actually have money to buy it but I'll find a way! It's SO good (listening to it on Myspace right now). Their first album they wrote together. Man, I love their voices.

Also, it's the final week before Halloween!! Fun!!! I got a few costume items bought. I only need a jacket, shirt and hat now! Woo! I found a pair of boots at the DAV for $5!! Sweet! In my size! And a scarf and some pants I can tuck into said boots...I hope they fit. I still haven't put them on...guess I should do that soon.

Okay, I need to go home and experiment with those mini pumpkin cheesecakes. I'm kind of scared that I'll put a ton of effort into them and they won't turn out...but I guess that's what happen when you experiment with baking. Wish me luck! I know Colleen hopes they turn out!

I'll be back tomorrow sometime!

Comments

[LMPP]

Chin up girlie, things WILL get better. It's ok to have some sad time, it took me a while to sort my head out after my mum's diagnosis earlier this year but things are looking up now and I'm alot happier in myself. You will be too, I promise!
xxx